For as long as I can remember I have had strange relationships with food. I was always a healthy size but thin I struggled to eat as I was anxious about being sick and ate very healthy not your normal choices a child would choose. This developed further and I became very strict in my diet as to what I would eat and what was a safe food. Also if someone in my family or I was ill I wont eat the food I the that day again as my anxiety feeds the ideas that the bad things will happen again. This isn’t just related to food its also clothes.
I was never skeleton thin and have but was always around 7st 6 and at 5ft 7 that to me is to thin and a weight I’m unhappy at.
since my anxiety has relapsed and I have developed germ phobia my eating is awful. I’m now living on a few safe foods the same diet every day at set times in the day. The rules around my eating are hard for me to understand never mind my family . these are some examples
:no one can touch my food or be in the kitchen when I’m making food due to the risk of germs
:I have to use certain pans and utensils which must be cleaned in a certain way.
:I cant eat out or near other people
:I have to have he food at certain times
I could go on but seeing these written down they seem pretty crazy but there fed by my anxiety my fears that if I break these set rules I will be ill or someone in my family will be.
I have just been referred for a assessment relating to my eating as mental health support is hard to get non of the services seem to feed each other and it seems like I will constantly be repeating my story.