Ever felt lost???

I think most people feel this at some point but pretend we all pretend to live that perfect life to the outside world. when really we should share more maybe less of us would struggle if those fake perfect pictures of those perfect pretend life’s people display on social media weren’t out there for us to see and compare our life’s to. when in reality most people will at one time struggle will wonder why there still here and will want to run and keep running.

From the outside I look like I got everything and I know people think well how can she feel like that how can she be anxious I’ve also been told your not as bad as me to manage to go to work. Hey guys its not a competition no one can judge what anyone else feels in fact the truth is you don’t see or feel the melt down from holding it together enough to keep my business running cos I have over 30 staff relying on me.

I’ve challenged my self a little this week I’m a very guarded person and don’t often share what’s going on for me inside but I saw a lady on a parenting forum I use who status made me so sad and I reached out to her to check she was ok. it turns out se wasn’t she was struggling just like I am but maybe her knowing that that someone she doesn’t know and has never spoken to cares enough to ask she’s ok might just lift her feelings of dread and anxiety for those little moments.

I was approached by a customer today one I used to speak to regular who asked where I had been. I usually say busy at another store but this time I decided to tell the truth I explained I had sever anxiety the look on there face when I told them was worthy of a picture. they couldn’t believe it a I came across so confident and friendly they said. turns out they suffered badly hen they were around my age.

so next time you log in to social media and see these perfect life’s remember nothing is perfect everything has cracks and at sometime everything will break it just how you deal with it that make the pretty picture.

 

 

 

Counselling and catch up..

IMG_0220

Enter a caption

 

I’ve not posted for a little while as I’ve been really struggling it seemed pointless to post and share only negative things. (Honestly sometime you just don’t want to write the things that are in your head because then they become real)

so today I met my new counsellor at first site I was nervous she reminded me of a school teacher ( I can’t be the only one who passes little judgey comments in there head) but after 5 minutes I relaxed she was lovely and most of all she really understood. She understood me ( that’s hard I don’t even understand myself) she listened to my life story how my anxiety started what’s happening now and how I’m struggling and she turned round and said anyone else who has suffered and lived with what you have would be on the floor now. You should be so proud of yourself. For that split moment I did stop and think

yes I’ve survived days I thought I wouldn’t

I’ve lost a parent very young in a traumatic way.

my 1st short term boyfriend was physically violent to me  on numerous occasions when I was 16.

I’ve been badly bullied

I won’t go on as I don’t want to bring the post down but for that split second I saw what other people see the front I put on the happy trendy mum who adores her little boy and has built very successful businesses.

 

That spilt second soon passed but hopefully one day it’ll stay a little longer.

 

 

 

hypnotherapy..

After being pushed by my little boy who had seen a article in the news about hypnotherapy and anxiety (hes only 6 hes my little cheerleader) i rang up and made a appointment. ekk!!!

The day came and with a bit of a push  i got out the car (yes i asked my mum to drop me off even at 29). i was met by a lovely lady who asked about why i was coming and what i hoped it would help. i explained i was really open minded and explained all my problems relating to my anxiety and ocd.. I felt really relaxed as she was so lovely and understanding and had experienced a phobia and hypnotherapy had really helped her.i find its always best when your being treated by someone who understand so of what your going through because they have been there them self.

the first session was a short hypnosis she explained what would happen and how it was a deeper relaxation than meditation. it was quite a strange feeling for me to relax my body so deeply i didn’t realise how much tension i carried especially in my shoulders ribs and thighs.

after she brought me back into the room i still felt deep relaxed but very calm. The rest of the day i felt calm until night when the anxiety hit very serve.

since my appointment i have made a conscious effort to practise mindfulness there has been quite a lot of situations especially at work where  i would usually not be able to handle but instead i have taken a breath and worked through. yes i’m still very anxious yes i still have really bad germ anxiety and life’s a struggle but for those few minutes everyday i have been able to breath a little easier.

im going back for another appointment so hopefully those odd minutes of sunshine might turn into 5 minutes one day..